Written by Kristine MacKain, Ph.D and Cedric Johnson, Ph.D
My husband, Cedric, who has lived in four different countries, and I, who have lived in three, have always been intrigued and sometimes frustrated by cross-cultural differences.
Over the seven years we spent together in Mexico, we embarked on a gradual journey of improving our cross-cultural skills (poco a poco), a process that is a continuous learning experience.
We learned by watching other North Americans make cultural blunders and reflecting on our many missteps. Our experiences reminded us of the book The Ugly American (1958), which describes some Americans’ boorish and insensitive behavior when they enter a new culture.
Living in central Mexico, we often spent a month or two visiting other Mexican states.
The Way It Was
While vacationing in Michoacan, we encountered a cross-cultural breakdown in communication that was worth noting.
We were eating lunch in a local restaurant in the town of Patzcuaro. The restaurant owner (Mexican) was standing behind the counter when an American woman entered the room holding a large vase of flowers.
She marched briskly across the floor, set her vase noisily on the counter, and turned aggressively toward the owner.
American: [speaking loudly, stressed]: “Did you get my email!?”
Mexican: [Remained silent and avoided eye contact]
American: “I emailed you on Tuesday [3 days ago] because I wanted you to have the tables set when I arrived.”
Mexican: [Did not respond and started to gaze toward the wall at the other end of the room.]
American: [raised her voice louder]: “DID you get my email on Tuesday?”
Mexican: [now agitated, continued to avoid eye contact with the American while brushing away imaginary crumbs off the checkout counter.] After a few more seconds of silence, the Mexican said quietly, “Yes.”
American: “Then why didn’t-didn’t you answer? I needed the tables set by now.”
Mexican: [Responded again with silence.]
American: “Can you have someone set up the tables now?”
Mexican: “Yes, we can set them up in 15 minutes after the birthday party in the room you will be using has ended.”
The American returned to her car to get the remainder of the vases for her event.
We turned to each other at our table and remarked that she must be a new resident because she was unaware of the implicit rules of social engagement in Mexico.
Later, we asked her where she was from and how long she had lived in Patzcuaro. She said she was from the United States and had lived in Mexico for ten years!
The Way It Could Be
What could the American woman have done to resolve the issue gracefully and not trigger awkwardness and avoidance from the Mexican owner?
Respect for social protocol
This is a formality and a crucial element in successful cross-cultural interactions. It sets the tone for the conversation and demonstrates your understanding and respect for the norms of other cultures.
You can establish a positive rapport and prepare for a successful interaction by engaging in the appropriate social greetings and small talk.
It sets the tone for the conversation and shows your understanding and respect for the norms of other cultures.
The American should have started the interaction by greeting; instead, she went straight to the problem.
In Mexican culture, when two people initially engage each other, they start the conversation with something like Hola, buenas tardes. ¿Cómo estás? Then, each conversant asks some polite questions and comments about family, the weather, how business is going, etc. Before launching into business, Mexicans establish goodwill, respect, and trust to build a strong working relationship.
Work to save face
The Mexican was embarrassed by the public nature of the confrontation.
Everyone in the restaurant heard that he had not responded to the email.
A Mexican in the American’s position would not enter the restaurant and accuse its owner of dropping the ball as the American woman did. Instead, a Mexican would refrain from criticism and even diffuse the situation by taking the blame himself.
Communicate indirectly when making a request.
In Spanish conversation, Mexicans use the subjunctive mood while making requests; for example, they use phrases such as: “ with your permission, if you are able,…” This social orientation puts the power in the hands of the person to whom you are requesting; for example, “With your permission, can the tables be available in the afternoon?”
In the States, the power is in the hands of the person making the demands.
For example, “I need you to have the tables ready for me by the afternoon.” In Mexican culture, one does not generally make demands of, or appear to assert power over, another person with one’s requests.
Avoid conflict
Mexicans do not generally respond to requests by saying, “No.” They work hard to please others and consider it more polite to tell you what you want to hear rather than disappoint you.
They also communicate their intention to follow through with a request, which should not be interpreted as a social contract. In life, things may make it impossible to realize one’s good intentions (e.g., the birthday party made it impossible to have the tables ready for the Americans).
Also, while Americans generally address a problem directly, Mexicans do not necessarily communicate when there is a snafu; however, they expect others to gracefully adapt to the unexpected situation.
Examine your expectations
When we engage people from another culture (within or outside the U.S.), we typically expect them to have the same perspectives and experiences.
In our example, the American entered the restaurant with expectations about the proprietor’s responsibilities and that he would deal with her directly to resolve the issue.
These expectations are rooted in American culture’s emphasis on direct communication and individual responsibility, which contrasts with Mexican culture’s preference for indirect communication and collective harmony.
To become more adept in cross-cultural communication, we need to
Raise our Awareness
Adapting to the host culture’s values is critical to behaving appropriately and fostering successful cross-cultural interactions. We must raise our awareness of these values and adjust our behavior accordingly. Ask: What are the basic assumptions of the host culture?
What everyday customs does the host culture follow, and how can we accommodate those customs as we interact?
What are our national cultural values, basic assumptions, and customs, and how do they contrast with or align with those of our host culture?
When you learn something from people, or from a culture, you accept it as a gift, and it is your lifelong commitment to preserve it and build on it.
Yo-Yo Ma